Actually, I am a lawyer and I am not on TV. Turn on any channel, on about any network, and there is a legal drama of some kind on at prime time. There’s “How to Get Away with Murder”, the HBO series “The Night Of”, that new one, “Bull”, about the jury scientist and “Law and Order” on a loop on plenty of cable stations. Here’s the thing, going to Court is not like it is in on TV. There are no “aha!” moments when the literally smoking gun is produced and the killer admits their guilt on the stand.

People often ask me if being a lawyer is like it is on TV. No, it’s not. The reality is Court is hard. If you are in Court, particularly family court, you are there for a very serious reason, whether it be divorce, custody, parenting time, child support, or domestic violence restraining orders. It is not a joke and it is definitely not a nice, clean story-line that fits into a one-hour period, inclusive of commercial breaks. Court is tough. It means that has gone so wrong with the person with whom you have a family that a Judge needs to decide it. If you have to go to Court, you need to be prepared and know what to expect.

First, in family Court, there is no such thing as a jury of your peers. There are no Public Defenders or Prosecutors. There is no right to counsel in general family law matters. (There are exceptions where there is a right to counsel, Public Defenders can be assigned and Prosecutors do appear, but that is the exception, not the rule and there are still no juries).  If you have an attorney with you, it is because you hired them and brought them with you. However, there is no obligation to have an attorney. The Court’s job is the same whether you have an attorney or not.

Second, there are no jury trials in Family Court. Family Court Trials are bench trials conducted by one (1) Judge. That sole Judge will hear your case, take the testimony of you, your witnesses, the adversary, their witnesses, consider the evidence and make a decision. Each Judge does their utmost to make the best decision possible given the facts, law and evidence in an extremely difficult situation. Do not expect to see a jury box in the Family Courtrooms, most don’t even have them.

Third, because there is only one Judge assigned to each case, it can take a long time to be heard. We often “hurry up and wait” at Court waiting for our turn to be seen. That’s ok. That means that the Court is taking time with each of the other cases to consider them thoroughly before moving on. In turn, the Court will give comparable attention to your case as well. If the Court were to rush through just to be done then there is more room for mistake. Because the stakes are so high, no one wants to make a mistake in Family Court so proceeding cautiously is par for the course.

Fourth, there are “Aha” moments in Family Court. On TV, there is always that one pinnacle moment that is a game-changer and everything falls neatly into place. That is not often the case in Family Court. There is rarely, if ever, a game-changer and nothing is neat and tidy in Family Court because we as humans with families are not neat and tidy. Everyone from you right on up to the Judge is just trying to do the best they can.

When going to Family Court, keep in mind why you are there and what you can realistically expect: you can expect to be there most, if not all of the day, you can expect to have to wait to see the Judge, you can expect that Judge to be one person, just like you or me, but with the onerous burden of deciding how you will live your life in the absence of any agreement by you and your former significant other. You can also expect that the Court will be very happy should you and your adversary resolve your differences between you without the need for the Judge’s intervention. After all, you are the most preeminent expert in you.